Kirby's Bong Ride ONESHOT
by Black Shy Guy
Summary: A onechapter story in which Kirby discovers a new...intoxicating...power... it's the GATEWAY to trouble, it is.Contains some rude language, teh violence, and some drugz. Do not say that I did not warn you.


'allo. This is Black Shy Guy, the sick screwhead that wrote a certain series of Spongebob fanficks, and if you like Spongebob, not only do I recommend that you watch this video…

you may have read my utterly messed up "Spongebob: Director's Cut" series. Basically, Spongebob and Patrick found drugs from Squidward, who used them to get away from the world of annoyance they brought him, and so, everyone in town eventually got blasted on all kinds of drugs and swore and beat each other up and threw parties…

Guess what! I decided to do a one-shot with something like that happening in KIRBY'S world! It's gonna take place in the Right Back at Ya/Kirby of the Sars I mean STARS TV show, and it's gonna be messed up. I watched this show a long time ago and sometimes it was cool… Plus not long ago was 4/20, the day of smoking weed, weed, weed, to which I smoked two bowls, and this week has all kinds of messed up anniversaries so…here ya go!

Better keep the kids away…HAHAHHAAH.

--

KIRBY'S BONG RIDE

Cappytown, Dreamland

Green grass was everywhere. Mighty forested areas boasted trees that stood proudly and reflected light off of the morning sun, which cast a glow of faint yellow on the clouds on the horizon of a baby blue sky. Beaten paths of rough dirt stretched over sloped hills, leading towards many small buildings far away and to a mighty, orange-tan castle not far from the town.

A pink, round ball of a marshmallow substance with thick, large, red feet walked across the rocky path, happily enjouing the day. He had small arm stubs and pink cheek marks, as well as a small mouth that could become very large when eating, plus black eyes shaped like tall ovals with purple irises and white sparkles from light. This cheery, bubbly, babyish entity did not speak much, but he made soft, weird noises.

His name was Kirby.

He was sent to protect the area, having crash-landed on a star-shaped spaceship, and, despite the fact that few believed him capable, he had done so on many an occasion. He was what was known as a Star Warrior, and his time of being one had only just begun.

He walked around the path, when suddenly, he found something.

"Byo…bwao…huh?"

It was a small, green plant leaf. It consisted of one central, slender leaf and pairs of other leaves converging from that central leaf's location, with a stem under it. Kirby placed his left arm to his mouth, curious. His curiosity was easily fulfilled, however, as he always picked up strange objects on the ground. And he picked it up…and stared at it. It had many small vein-like structures, as any leaf would, and the sun barely shown trough its green surface. It felt kind of smooth and sticky.

That was when a large, round, blue penguin wearing an outfit consisting of a brick red and yellow band of cloth that had a tooth-like pattern and a red robe with white trimmings, plus a red Santa hat with a gold trimming appeared and snatched the leaf from Kirby, who tripped. His hands, feet, and short beak were all yellow.

"Give that here, Kirby!" he demanded with an angry sneer in a voice that had a Southern drawl, like Foghorn Leghorn, leaving Kirby crestfallen. Kirby tried to get the item back, but this creature, a tyrannical man known as 'King Dedede', laughed and held Kirby under his foot after the innocent puffball tried to grab the plant, which was lowered and raised to taunt him. "AHAHAHA!"

He pulled out a brown mallet with a pink edge that had a white trimming and a yellow star on it, and whapped Kirby away. Then, Dedede ran off to his castle.

--

In his castle, he sat, with blue walls and a strange mechanical device with a surround sound stereo and monitor, plus many other gagets.

On the screen, a man in a dark blue suit with a long face appeared. He was like a game show host, with light purple-gray skin and short, purple, parted hair with emerald highlights. He had black glasses with an orange glass over the eyes, as well as a gold yellow inner shirt and a tie. His nose was small and he had a grin. Blue words "Holy Nightmare", appeared behind him.

He was the Nightmare Salesman.

"What request do you have, Dedede?"

"I need you to tell me what this green plant thing is!"

"Hmm… what you got there, Big D, is a magical plant called marijuana. It is a member of the Cannabacae Family, an-"

"Quit flappin your lips about scientific goo-ga and get to the point!"

"It is a drug, and with it, you can get everyone stoned! They will become… involuntarily intoxicated. And they're addictive!"

Dedede grinned. This could help, and he knew that this guy was going to tell him how.

"I can send you more for a fair price. You can stone the entire town, and no one will be able to complain about your rules!"

"Fine! I'll buy now and pay later! REALLY later!"

The Nightmare Salesman did not mind that attitude. He knew that Dedede always loved to have his cake and eat it (and boy did he eat it), and when he didn't work up his end of the deal, well, it was no skin off of the salesman's nose. But now this town was going to get its cake – SPECIAL CAKE.

Zoinks.

"Very well."

"YES!" Dedede said as he grabbed his right hand man, a large, purple show with a small, green shell and a wide mouth plus two hands and a voice like a gameshow host with Michael J Fox syndrome.

"YOU'RE CHOKING ME!" Escargon, the snail, complained.

"I can control everything! Maybe this overdose will be the ticket towards getting ride of Kirby and his pesky friends!"

King Dedede wasn't really a king; he just loved to bully everyone around him. He was not evil, but he was extremely greedy and close to evil. He also did not want to kill Kirby, in contrast to many's beliefs. He just wanted to get the little guy off of his high horse so that he could be the glorious one.

--

And so, the drugs would spread. The Salesman not only gave him weed;

He gave Dedede narcotics and pills with cocaine rocks galore.

And shrooms and wine spiked with what cleans the floor.

And stuff that makes you say "jing-tinglers and tar-tinklers

And flu-flubers and who-whoobers and dar-dinklers."

Two children who hung with Kirby were not like normal citizens. Most Cappytown people were shaped in an oblong manner, colored peach-pink with beady eyes and no legs plus stubby arms. If this place were called Crappytown ands they were brown-green and smelled, they'd fit right in.

Those kids were yellow with more defined heads. Tiff was the girl, older with orange feet and pink and green clothing with hair colored like her pale yellow body with a ponytail. She was smoking a joint wrapped in brown paper, no doubt PCP, and her large white eyes with tiny black dots for a pupil each were starting to turn a vibrant pink.

Her brother was younger and slightly shorter. Named Tuff, he had green feet and a less pale yellow body with purple clothing that had a brown suspender with a yellow button. His hair with blue-teal and yellow, and covered his eyes. However, he could still see the huge rock of cocaine at his feet. It was a less shiny, dry snowball, in a manner of speaking.

"What's this rock?" he asked in his crusty voice.

"It's cocaine," Tiff answered. "Snort some."

"I don't know," he said as his sister puffed on the joint.

"Don't be a wuss!"

Tuff gave in, placed the rock on a table, and placed his head down, sweeping the table with his nostrils to inhale the broken off sprinkles of coke. He started feeling weird… his eyes watered and his throat and nose itched…

AND HE WANTED MORE!!

The whole town was getting into it, with the gang of townsmembers gathered in one spot, smoking it up, a cloud of light gray fermenting above them. The mayor, named Len, with a thick, gray moustache and a brown coat and hat, was smoking a hooka pipe as Tiff nibbled on acid paper.

"This is goooood SHIT!" blurted out her rather, with his own huge moustache and hair curled up like Ben Franklin's was. He was Dedede's Cabin Minister.

Kirby, who had visited, had yet to really try anything, and so, he took some acid paper and shook as he held it up to his mouth, placing it in…

ZUM!!

He tripped on the paper, and flew backwards.

Now, he was addicted, and he wanted more!

The townspeople raised their bottles of red wine laced with some strange shit for a toast to these great toxins, when the liquid was suddenly sucked out. Kirby had opened his mouth, and was inhaling everything! Beer bottles, mushrooms, pills, marijuana, cocaine, and cigarettes plus paint chips filled with lead, as well as airplane glue and a highly toxic marker, flew into his mouth and down the hatch.

The huge mouth closed and Kirby stared into space, some saliva drooling out.

HIS EYES FLASHED OPEN as he got NAILED! Arteries shown through and he jumped up and down, having one serious trip.

He saw a white dish flying with green eyes and yellow chicken legs for arms screaming "All your base are belong to us!" as a rabbit with a tiger's colors and stiped jumped, looked at him, vomited violently, and jumped again..

Swirling colors of silver, blue, black, white, and red permeated his vision as he aw a mustard and ketchup bottle dancing before they squirted hairy werewolf sumbitch Rake Yohn from Jackass and CKY, who went "WWOOOODY WOO WOOO!!" before a shocked-looking fork ran away with a pissed off looking spoon.

A screwy blue bird flew through the air going "BUCKAW!" as a red squashed tomato with green eyes and pink banana lips blew its tongue at him. A chair flew and a pink hand with an eyeball flew after it.

Then, a bass mounted to a wall looked towards him and sung, "DooodooodoooWAP! Doo-wap!"

"Hey Kirby!" the orange-colored Chef Kowasaky said, "How about Fifteen POUNDS of weed!?"

Kirby was offered blunts and unrolled weed like mad, and so, he took one joint, and then stuffed it al in his mouth.

The whites from his eyes vanished as he got plain messed UP!

Kirby began to inhale enemy monsters, such as crabs called Kany and snowmen called Chilly. He had gotten the munchies, and everyone laughed at ordinary objects as Kirby ate and shitted out his enemies all the live long day and night.

--

Things were going smooth, when something happened at Dedede's Castle a few days later. The castle rumbled and then, after Escargoon and Dedede screamed, what looked like a HUGE turkey flew out of there, smashing the castle walls! Its body was brown, ad it had fierce wings, much more adept for flying than a regular turkey's was, and its body was shaped like a beer can, with the word 'BUD' on it in white.

"SALESMAN!" Dedede screamed after stepping on Escargon to get to the communications device. "What happened?!"

"Sorry, Big D. You forgot to pay, and now The Dealer is here, and he is going to destroy your village."

"Screw the village, my castle's a mess!"

In no time, the 'Dealer' was causing all kinds of destruction and disorder, flying on wicked wings and sending multicolored fired down, blasting the village and burning the forest. People screamed and ran as the creature's wings caused the buildings to crack with a mighty flap.

"AAAH OH MY GOOD!!"

Tuff and Tiff watched, sobering up from their latest bake, in horror.

A warrior in dark clothing with a cake, a mask, and a cool sword, with yellow eyes and a knight-like appearance, with a body like Kirby's only larger, a Star Warrior, the last of the older generation sent against the Nightmare's monsters, called Meta-Knight, attacked, blasting the beast with energy from his sword. The first attack struck hard, catching the monster off guard, but not doing enough damage, aside from making it crow in anger. The Dealer flew after Meta-Knight, who dodged repeated attacks and retaliated with energy beams from his sword.

"It is not working," Meta-Knight announced, in a low voice. "The beer monster, he is too strong!"

Leaping into the air, Mea-Knight struck the beast with several fast slashes from his yellow, jagged sword, before it tried to hit him. He leapt onto its head and drew the sword against it, but The Dealer seized him in its beak and hurled him far away.

Then, it pulled out a huge, wooden pipe and placed it in the forest, roosting on the ground and blasting electricity from its eyes to ignite some foliage; in other words, it was smoking the forest! The tree elder or whatever he is, Whispy Woods, was powerless to stop it.

"No! My forest!!"

"Kirby!" yelled Tiff. "A giant monster is out smoking the trees! Do something! KIRBY!"

Kirby was too busy lying on his back and smoking a huge joint, enjoying getting trashed, when The Dealer landed and punted him with a powerful kick!

"GOOorRk1" yelled the beast.

"No, Kirby!" yelled Tuff.

"Kabu, Warpstar!" shouted Tiff.

Kabu, a huge wooden tiki man or something opened his mouth far away, otherwise motionless.

"WAHP STAH" he yelled as a yellow star shape flew out, and zoomed very quickly to catch Kirby.

Bravely, Kirby recuperated and flew around the beast. He tried to confuse it, and it started to get dizzy, stirring in its own fumes, before falling to the ground. The mighty turkey monster rose, however, and tried to ram Kirby. It missed, but turned its leg and snatched Kirby in its left foot! Kirby struggled, wriggling to try and not get popped by those claws. Eventually, the Dealer flung him up, opened its mouth, and tried to consume the puffball, latching onto him. Then…

BOOM – the Warp Star struck over and over, powerful strikes forcing the Dealer to let go. Kirby was caught, and the Dealer struggled, but then grew angrier. It fired several bolts at Kirby, who struggled to dodge the fast-moving electric jolts. Kirby was in trouble, but help would come.

Meta-Knight ran over and pulled something from his cape – it was a bong made of pure gold! He tossed it, closer to Kirby and far from the powerful but sluggish Dealer.

"Kirby!" he cried.

"Byo?"

"Use the Golden Bong! You have to inhale it to gain the strength of weed!"

Kirby obliged, opening his mouth and inhaling the air, creating a strong current. The golden bong lay on the sand, flinched, and flew upwards, where the current drew it into Kirby's mouth. Then, he glowed like a star, and spun around as a warrior's headband formed on him and he wound up holding a golden joint, which he started to smoke, his eyes turning into dizzy signs.

"YO SMOKE THAT SHIT UP MAN!" screamed the stoner Jay, who was with his pudgy hetero life-mate in an overcoat, Silent Bob. "…Snoogans. Yo, what are we doing here anyway, Fatass?"

Silent Bob shrugged.

Then, Kirby started to grow marijuana leaves out of his head! The Dealer shrieked and blasted him with energy, but the counteroffensive force was enough to knock the Dealer backwards! It flapped its mighty wings…for a huge turkey-thing… as It stared, one eye closed, at the opponent. Its wings flapped, creating loud swish-like noises and blowing soft wind around.

Then, the crown of leaves fully grew, and Kirby briefly flashed green. The others stared, astonished, as he looked fiercely determined.

"He's absorbed a new power," Meta-Knight announced as Tiff, Tuff, and those two floating ball characters, Fololo/la or whatever, stared on. "Kirby has become … Blunt Kirby."

"What the fuck?" wondered a stoned Falala.

Kirby flew around, blasting The Dealer with potent green sparks. It shrieked, fidgeting in spasms like that Pigeotto Pokemon monkey mofo, and grew enraged. The Dealer sent out paralyzing and powerful energy waves, momentarily stunning Kirby, until he made a green shield that repelled the attack.

"GAAAWWWWW!!" the giant monster yelled as it hovered in the air and charged electricity from its body, from four places, into one, creating a very powerful beam that soared down towards Kirby.

However, Kirby was ready, and took a big puff, before firing a monstrous green energy beam. Both beams collided, creating a cascade of colors and flashes, with thunderous booms and crackling sounds. The two beams seemed to be equal, and Kirby started to lose out slowly… however, he had a relapse, and sent the beam, even stronger, against The Dealer's, pushing slowly, losing power, and then sending it slowly, then VERY quickly back at that bird! It tried to fight, but was utterly outmatched. The beams hit, and the creature was slugged with an enormous flash of energy!

It got smoked out, that's for sure.

It flew backwards, its body wrecked – towards Dedede's airplane, where he and Escargoofoff (LULZ) were residing for shelter.

"AAAAAAAAAHH!!" they all screamed as they flew towards the castle, ramming into it in a powerful explosion to fully smash it.

The energy then carried The Dealer up into space, where its goose was teh c00ked.

Then the black clouds went away.

"Wow!" said the mayor as everyone rejoiced as a sunset started to come. "Kirby sure smoked HIM like a joint."

"AJNAAHAAHJHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH" laughed everyone.

Then, Abe Simpson, Homer's old dad from the show, with his banana-like head, glasses, and pink shirt came, and asked, "Will someone tell me what just happened?"

Then, he fell asleep, and snored.

A black iris-out effect with a star shaped closed over Kirby, who raised his right hand with a red foam middle finger and squeaked out, "FU!" to no one in particular.

Then, an old book closed with the words, as some one coughed on weed smoke,

THE END


End file.
